Unity in Marriage - Part 1

We had the wonderful opportunity to be prayed over by Rev. David Lim when he spoke at a seminar conducted at Hope Church Singapore.   During his altar call for prayer, we approached him and his wife and asked them to pray for clear direction on what God wants me and Dennis to do next.  We got married February of this year and didn’t have concrete plans on what to do for the next 1-2 years. We do have a few ideas but we desire to thread on the path that would lead us to the destiny that God has planned for us. We shared to them that we have just been married recently. We expected them to pray over us wisdom and sensitivity to  the Holy Spirit's leading. But instead he said “Let me pray for unity for the two of you". We were surprised.   He explained that in the early stages of marriage, developing unity is one of the things a couple should focus on. If a couple is united in heart and in spirit, that unity will enable them to truly obey what God asks of them. 

God’s word in Amos 3:3 illustrates the importance of unity in marriage when He said “Can two walk together unless they agree?”

Wedding ceremonies often starts with  the groom walking down the aisle by himself.  Then later on, the bride enters. Everyone thinks the bride walks slowly during the bridal march to avoid tripping. But I think the bride walks so ever slowly because she's deciding whether she really wants to spend the rest of her days with the man waiting at the end of aisle.  And at the end of  the ceremony, the couple walks out of the church, hand-in-hand, holding unto the covenant of being together, living together and doing things together. Everyone is tossing flowers at them, shouting for joy for their union. But this union isn't as easy as it seems. 

Saying “I do" binds two persons legally. And what happens on your wedding night seals that unity physically.  However, being united in your hearts and spirit and having common desires and plans do not happen naturally.  You combine two persons who were each given freedom of will, who came from different family backgrounds and developed different personalities, with opposing manners of doing things and  seeing things.  Two persons who smile for different reasons and stress over different factors.  Two persons who finds pleasure and rest and excitement and inspiration through various sources.

Imagine if spouses need to walk together and yet, nobody wants to give in to the other. Each one insists on getting to his desired destination.  We would end up pulling and dragging each other to the opposite direction and as we do it daily over a long period of time,  we'll both be drained and bruised and worn-out.  And that doesn't paint a happy picture of a couple.

Dennis and I took one of those quizzes in Facebook recently about the perfect country for us. Asking a few questions to identify your ideal lifestyle helped to determine which part of the globe one should be spending his life at.  After clicking submit, the quiz told me that I should move to France.  It explained that this European country would suit my need for some cultural stuff as I could visit museums, watch plays at theatres and leisurely walk in its streets. Occasionally, I could go to the French countryside to enjoy some quiet time and rest in some chateaus, while savoring some French wine.  Dennis on the other hand, got New Zealand, the country that speaks of laid-back lifestyle, perfect for nature-lovers with its great mountains and greeneries- For a moment, I imagined him taking care of cows. Haha. We both posted our results in Facebook as if trying to convince each other to agree to our choice.  That 5-question quiz was actually an eye-opener for me of just how different we are. 

The moment we get married, every decision we make ultimately affects the life of the person we have chosen to spend the rest of our life with. It could be as simple as choosing where and what to eat.  Studies show that our eating habits are greatly influenced by the people we always eat with. It could be decisions involving money such as deciding whether to sign-up a monthly gym membership or sign-up for an insurance.  Or choosing where to spend your holidays.   Selecting which location to purchase a property.  Deciding to resign from a current job or accept a new position in the office.  

So I realized that we need to develop intimacy. God always likens his relationship with us to the relationship between couples. Because a deep level of knowledge of the other person is foundational in long-lasting relationships.

Still in chapter 3 of the book of Amos, in verse 2, God said to Israel “From among all the families of the earth, I have been intimate with you alone…” God has a special covenant and relationship with the people of Israel. He has chosen Israel from all among the people and walked so closely with them and God always shared his plans to his prophets so that the Israelites would always know what God wanted and what God was going to do.  Verse 7 says  “Indeed, the Sovereign Lord never does anything until he reveals his plans to his servants the prophets.” Before he brought about judgement, He always gave warning to the people. 

We need to have deep understanding of what are each other's needs and wants and then work on that. As we get married and we live with our spouses, we should aim to know them better.  We need to discover their aspirations and share how they want to see their life 5 or 10 years from now. We should observe their daily habits and notice what makes them happy or irritated or discouraged. We have to find out what type of environment they could work or rest well. After knowing these things, we should then  plan and make decisions that will be beneficial not only for us but for our spouses as well. We should aim for win-win situations. Compromising on the little things and the daily matters. And more so on major life decisions.

For part 2, I will study more on how will the couple be united in what God wants them to do. I hope I could share some of the revelations from God soon 🙏 

Are you married or getting married soon? What are the differences between you and your spouse/ future spouse and what do you think you should do to achieve unity?